Teeter-Totter

I once explained to someone that life is like standing on a seesaw: it's all about balance and finding that sweet spot where neither side is plunging towards the ground. The only thing is, my teeter-totter has about seventeen different sides, and new ones keep showing up every day. It seems that every time I get a few things balanced, I turn around and realize I've sent at least two others into a cherry bomb. Its a constant scramble to account for it all.

At 11:00pm, I stand alone in the backyard of a friend's house. If any of the inhabitants of the adjacent houses in this development happened to look out their window, they probably are wondering why someone is standing in the snow wearing a hoodie, swishy sweatpants, and boots, staring up at the sky. I'm dog-sitting, but my charge has been happily asleep for several hours now. And I'm thinking.

I'm thinking about my first semester of college, and how its over. The days sped by so quickly, I was left hoping that the next three and a half years will slow down so I can love each and every moment of it.

I'm thinking about what comes after these four years, and how scary it seems. I'm preparing for a career. For life. I'm growing up. When did that happen?

I'm thinking about distance, and how hard it makes things. What do you do when the people you love are spread out over too much space, and your arms just can't reach them all? If we could all apparate like Harry Potter, now that would be something.

I'm thinking about seesaws and balance and steadiness. I wonder if it's overrated. This is probably just life, and I'm only now realizing that it will be a constant struggle to try to get it right, to get all of it right.

I'm thinking about the times I've let the teeter-totter hit the ground. I can see the faces of the people who were sitting on the other end at times, see the shock, disappointment, hurt. I wonder how many more people I will let hit the ground.

I'm thinking about the fact that this all sounds dramatic and sad, but it's not all that bad. Really, its part of life. We let things fall sometimes, but we also hold so many. All we can do is try.

I'm thinking about the thrill of a seesaw, and how happy I am to have the chance to ride one.

I smile up at the clouded sky that is colored a soft, dusty pink by the city lights. Turning back towards the house, I scoop some snow and ice from the drift beside my boot and smile as I eat it. I'm not perfect, but I'm solid. And that's okay.