On Self Reliance and the Lack Thereof

I stood in my kitchen and stared at the plate in front of me. I had managed to ditch my crutches and use the counters to boost myself to the fridge and back in order to assemble a sandwich, but now I had reached a more difficult step: getting the sandwich to the table. You see, crutches require that you hold on the the handles to propel yourself. The fact that I was still using two crutches meant that I was left with zero hands with which to hold the plate. I was stuck.

After puzzling for a bit, I picked up the plate with one hand and used my armpit to squeeze the crutch on that side so that I could lift it when I took a step. I turned and made it about three paces in this limping, uneven, almost-gait before I was blocked by one of my roommates.

"Mariah. Stop it. Give me the plate."

She had been sitting in the next room over the entire time, an open doorway the only thing separating us. Despite this nearness, it had never occurred to me that asking her to carry my plate was an option. I assumed that the only way to accomplish the task was to do it on my own. 

That's ridiculous.

The fact that I was on crutches made the lesson that much more pointed, but the moral of the story continues even now that I have two (almost) fully functioning legs. Independence is a good thing, a goal to strive for. But, while it is needed, it should not be the ultimate objective of my actions. Sometimes I need help.

I needed help to carry my plate to the table when I was on crutches.

I needed help to study for exams through nursing school.

I needed help to find calm and peace the night before I took State Nursing Boards.

I will need help to move into my new home.

I will need help to plan my wedding.

I will need help for the rest of my life. And there is nothing wrong with that.

In fact, I would venture to say that we are wired to need help. We are not solitary creatures. While complete dependence on another is not healthy, isolating myself from any assistance whatsoever is also unhealthy. Relationship, support, encouragement - I need all of these things. 

But I'm still learning. Learning to not only accept help when it is offered, but (and this is even harder) to ask for help when I need it. 

I can't do this by myself, and that's okay.