How to be a Camp Nurse: A step by step guide

1) Pass meds.

2) Pass meds at every meal.

3) Also at snack time, and whenever they are requested.

4) Always pass meds.

5) Do everyone's laundry. This makes sense, because you have access to the only washing machine, but it also will take forever because the machine is ancient. Be startled by a sound akin to a dying mouse trying to take flight. Realize it's the ancient washing machine. Become so used to the this horrid sound that it is almost comforting.

6) Sweep the floor in the first aid station. Get it into the dust pan fast before your "dirt" pile crawls away.

7) Forget to warn new guests about the washing machine sound. Freak them out.

8) Tell yourself that you will walk up the hill for every meal (refer to #2), because it's good for your muscles. You know that there are golf carts, but you will not use them.

9) Carry your first aid kit everywhere you go, because if kids see the nurse, they will become sick or injured immediately. Fact.

10) Sign out a golf cart just this once, cuz you have a lot of meds to carry (refer to #1) and you're tired. But its just for this one time.

11) Try to ward off the "summer staff cold" by encouraging rest and hydration and pumping the counselors full of vitamin C drops.

12) Fail. Attempt to push the counselors through the rest of the week on cold-buster pills and orange juice while they continue to be in charge of 10 kids for 24 hours a day. Wash your hands incessantly, because the nurse cannot get sick.

13) Sign out a golf cart because you might have to run back down the hill for something quick.

14) See a camper with allergy symptoms. Find out that they are allergic to cats. Find out they have just been cuddling the camp cat. Try not to roll your eyes. Medicate the allergies and encourage them not to touch the cat. Know that they will still touch the cat.

15) Fawn over the tiniest campers. Plot to lure them home with you. Recognize this is very illegal and illogical, but they are just SO CUTE.

16) Sign out a golf cart because your knee hurts.

17) Eat the same exact meals at the same exact times on the same exact days for 7 weeks in a row. Begin to hate chicken.

18) Wonder how many shapes of breaded chicken exist at the mysterious bulk freezer supply store where camp food comes from. Crave fresh fruit.

19) Sign out a golf cart because you're the only nurse at camp this week and you need to be everywhere.

20) See a camper for a headache. Realize it is actually homesickness.

21) See a camper for a stomach ache. Realize it is actually homesickness.

22) See a camper who is dizzy. Realize it is actually homesickness. Marvel at the connection between body and spirit. Send them to bed.

23) Sign out a golf cart because you've given up on making yourself walk. Fail to return it for a full 24 hours.

24) Evaluate a camper who has fallen while hiking. Practice your calm nurse face while you clean up a lot of blood and wonder if they need stitches.

25) Remove tick from camper.

26) Google what Lyme's disease looks like. Realize it looks like literally anything, and sometimes nothing at all. Become paranoid about ticks.

27) Try not to take on a motherly sense of personal responsibility for every camper and staff member. Fail.

28) Drive a golf cart everywhere.

29) Receive great appreciation from the other staff. Chuckle because you secretly have the chillest job on camp.

30) Pass meds.